The Corner of Insanity

So earlier this morning I had a post composed in my head that was me whining about how I'm not writing, how I'm an utter failure at life in general, that my creativity was dead, that I really shouldn't be bothering anyone with anything.

But the only thing true in the above statement is that I'm not writing.

I am not an utter failure at life in general or even life in particular, since I'm still alive. Yes, I'm in pain right now, but I'll deal, as I always have.

My creativity is certainly not dead, just taking different forms. I'm really interested in my sewing class, and I picked up a cross-stitch that I haven't touched in months to work on at work. Also, I got a catalog in the mail yesterday that offered a set of "illuminated" coloring books and pens for $30, so I may ask my Dad to get that for me.

So, that is the state of the Jenn at the moment.

Up to 710 words.

BUT, I now know the thief and bored warrior's names, so I'm OK with it.

Also, the playlist for the fic is now 7 songs long, which is good.

Now to just get the damn doctor to actually do something about my pain, instead of giving me muscle relaxants and sending me on my way.

Woke up yesterday with headache

By 11am headache had morphed into migraine, complete with light sensitivity and prickly hot/cold flashes and nausea

Spent the next 15 hours wishing my head would just explode already and get it over with so I could die

Got a couple hours sleep about 4am, woke up a little bit ago with fever and all the joint pain that goes with an elevated body temperature

I see the doctor this afternoon

The fact that I can't even empty the thrice-damned dryer without my shoulders starting to hurt is beginning to piss me off.

So, this morning I went to the grocery store to do my shopping. The only bagger they had was an itty bitty girl with braces and pigtails named Jenny, so I told her I didn't need any help getting my stuff out to and into my car.

On the way out, I saw a cart that someone had abandoned half in one of the handicapped parking spots. So I figure in order to help my itty bitty name sake, I'd grab the cart as I went by and put it into the cart carrel when I was done unloading.

Well, I soon learned why it had been abandoned: the damn thing attacked me! It snuck up behind me as I dragged it along and took a chunk out of the back of my foot! It bled, and it hurt, that kind of hurt that makes you want to be sick in public all over the back of your car. I didn't scream, but I whimpered and cursed a bit. But I still dragged it to the cart carrel.

Cleaning it also hurt, like, a lot. Goldeneye came rushing into the bathroom when I yelped to check on me, then rubbed against my other leg the rest of the time. Mom looked at it when I saw her a couple of hours later, to make sure I hadn't missed anything when I cleaned it, and said, "Nope, you've got a nice triangle gouge in your skin, it'll be sore and take forever to heal since it's right were your shoe will go."

*sigh*

All because I wanted to help my itty bitty name sake.

And man, has it knocked my head clean off. Yesterday I woke up with the headache, took some medicine, promptly threw it up and spent 20 minutes shaking and sweating over the toilet. Spent the rest of the day shaky, sweating, and in a lot of head pain. Managed to keep a little food down.

Tried to sleep, that didn't go so well. I'd either be too cold or sweating from being hot.

So far it's mostly better this morning, pain wise. But my head is still barely attached to my shoulders, and I'm still not comfortable with my temperature feelings (I'm either too hot or too cold, can't find a medium). It's like there's pressure in my head, but I'm not feeling it.

So yes, this migraine has kicked my ass, stood over me, and laughed about it. Not moving is real high on my agenda again today.

Taking a broom to the corners of my mind...

Changed up the theme to try to get away from mental darkness at the moment. Much thanks to stellastars for offering this wonderful free layout.

Have any of y'all been diagnosed with fibromyalgia? If so, how did you and your doctor(s) come about that diagnosis? What do you do to treat it? The PT lady mentioned it as a strong possibility, considering my physical issues, but I don't want to jump into Internet-condria and proclaim that I definitely have it. I want to know the steps my doctor and I will have to take to either rule it out or confirm it.

Title: New Targets
Rating: PG
Warnings: innuendo
Word count: 315
Prompt: Suikoden V, Oboro/Shigure: teacher/student - weapons training
A/N: Takes place pre-game

The first time I played Suikoden V, I didn't get Oboro and crew, so I didn't really get the relationships there. The second time, I had a walkthrough from the start so I could get al 108 stars, and I fell in love with Shigure and Sagiri.

The one from yesterday is not written yet... PT hurts, a lot, and I'm finding it hard to concentrate with the pain.

( I think I'm making some progress )

( I'm OK now, but... )

...you can't open the bag of chocolate.

*headdesk*

I am home. The doctor looked me over and took several x-rays, and sees no indication of clots or bone chips. I fell hard against the wall yesterday during a dizzy spell on a shoulder that has been giving me trouble since I got into a car wreck 15 years ago.

It's just badly bruised, one of those deep tissue bruises that will take time to heal. I have a sling to wear for a few days (more to remind myself not to use it than anything else), prescription strength ibuprofen to take for a week, and some heavy duty painkillers for when it's really bad.

Thank y'all so much for the messages. I appreciate all the support. :-) I hope I didn't sound too much like a crazy drama queen. *sheepish*

Now I will take one of those pain killers and head to bed.

( Cut to spare the flist )

Title: (untitled)
Rating: G
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Char/Pair: Hojo
Prompt: Alchemy
Spoilers/Warnings:
W/C: 136

Not sure how many more... I put together a bookcase, and now my hands are killing me. :-p

Ugh. Didn't sleep well, arthritis is acting up. I cannot wait until this is done with.

Title: Burning
Rating: PG
Warnings: Underaged (by American standards) drinking
Word count: 158
areyougame Prompt: July 17 - Final Fantasy XII, Balthier/Vaan: inebriated - the boy was adorable when filled with spirits
A/N: Definitely not my best writing. Balthier just comes across wrong. Ah well, learn from it and move on. Crossposted to skypirates

Title: Save Me
Rating: G
Warnings: minor pre-game spoilers
Word count: 654
Prompt: July 14 - Suikoden V - Arshtat/Ferid - barbarism/exoticism - never seen anything quite like him before

Didn't do much this weekend... arthritis is acting up.

( The writing stuff )

( Saw a new doctor today... )

( Stick a fork in me... )

Not Happily Ever After is an unsolicited 412 words for Suikoden V, and assumes you don't get the best ending. This is one of two pieces I've been wanting to write since I beat the game. The other one I would really like to find a game script for, but I'm having no luck with that, so I might just have to break down and play the game again to get to the scene I want. ;-)

Also wrote the July 5th Lord of the Rings - Frodo/Sam/Rosie - Home - The smell of home is sweet prompt. Six for July done, six to go. Unless I go pick up more stuff. Which is entirely possible. :-p

Exercised yesterday. Muscles hurt today. About to go exercise again. This is good for me, right? :-p

Title: Slaved Pirate
Rating: G
Word count: 803
Prompt: June 15th - Final Fantasy XII, Larsa/Penelo: Slave auction – "He never expected to see her here,"
Crossposted: phoenixdown

Celebrated Dad's birthday yesterday, and I think I overdid the rough housing with my 5 1/2 year old nephew... arthritic!Jenn is all owie today. Will try to take it easy today.