The Corner of Insanity

So earlier this morning I had a post composed in my head that was me whining about how I'm not writing, how I'm an utter failure at life in general, that my creativity was dead, that I really shouldn't be bothering anyone with anything.

But the only thing true in the above statement is that I'm not writing.

I am not an utter failure at life in general or even life in particular, since I'm still alive. Yes, I'm in pain right now, but I'll deal, as I always have.

My creativity is certainly not dead, just taking different forms. I'm really interested in my sewing class, and I picked up a cross-stitch that I haven't touched in months to work on at work. Also, I got a catalog in the mail yesterday that offered a set of "illuminated" coloring books and pens for $30, so I may ask my Dad to get that for me.

So, that is the state of the Jenn at the moment.

Taking a broom to the corners of my mind...

Changed up the theme to try to get away from mental darkness at the moment. Much thanks to stellastars for offering this wonderful free layout.

Have any of y'all been diagnosed with fibromyalgia? If so, how did you and your doctor(s) come about that diagnosis? What do you do to treat it? The PT lady mentioned it as a strong possibility, considering my physical issues, but I don't want to jump into Internet-condria and proclaim that I definitely have it. I want to know the steps my doctor and I will have to take to either rule it out or confirm it.

...you can't open the bag of chocolate.

*headdesk*

( No, really, emo is me )

ETA: LMAO! Then my music collection on random picks up Queen's "We Are the Champions". I think I've been told, no? ;-)

...so many more to go. But I'm getting a little better, although this one fizzled out at the end.

Rating: G
Word count: 404
areyougame prompt: October 2 -- Kingdom Hearts, Cloud: shapechange – Orcas are called “sea wolves,” so he didn’t know why he was so surprised on Atlantica.

Chiller has been given back to Bast.

I have been crying, and will cry some more, and then I have to go to work.

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

Too itty bitty sickly kitty will have to go tomorrow morning. He's got infection in both eyes, worms, is probably blind, and has lots of neurological/cognitive problems. Even if we somehow medicated him to beat the infection and the worms, his quality of life would be quite poor at this point.

Tomorrow morning will suck ass.

I would love a period of time where my only stress is deciding whether the next game I play is one of the 30 from my backlog or one of the dozen games I want to replay.

I would love the time to write the two post DMC 4 fics I have brewing in my head, even if I'm the only one who'd ever look at them.

I need to finish up Springkink prompts.

*sigh* I guess this is what it is to be all grown up?

So my gut's upset at something, and my wafer wants to peel itself off of me, so I make some plain spaghetti in the hopes of calming my gut down long enough to change the bag and wafer.

Two bites into dinner, Goldeneye comes careening through the living room, jumps onto the chest that I use as a table, and knocks dinner to the floor, breaking the bowl in the process.

Screaming until my throat hurt was probably not the best reaction, but I feel a little better mentally. :-p

This rambles all over the place...

( Under here to spare the flist )

Mom says I should call the doctor.

I'm not sure if I should bother, all I can tell him is that I'm tired all the time. Not sure what he can say other than, "Get more rest and less stress," which is basically impossible right now and still keep my job.

Bleh.

OK, so... calling the doctor after bursting into tears for no reason for the third time in a week to see if he'll give me some Cymbalta or other help is not giving up, right?

Right. I know that. It's just... hard.

I suddenly realized this morning that I am in the midst of a bad depression swing. That's why I'm not getting any rest from my sleep, that's why I'm not writing, that's why I feel like I'm on a train out of control.

Part of it is the near-constant pain in my shoulder. Part of it is the knowledge that I'm going to need some kind of surgical procedure AGAIN. Part of it is the whole house thing, selling and buying and fixing and cleaning. Part of it is my brother avoiding paying the $500 he owes me for the car. Part of it is his wife shutting me out of my nephew's lives.

And part of it is that I'm almost 32 and have so much I want to do, and little courage and less money to do it.

I'm sure I'll pull through this eventually... I always have. It just looks dark in the middle of it.