[info]jlsigman wrote
on August 4th, 2007 at 07:47 pm

Drunken rambling

I'm am SERIOUSLY drunk, so I'm going to cut this so you can skip if you want.

It's bad that I'm so used to drugs that I had to take a Vicodin this afternoon and then a good, oh, cup or more of vodka mixed with cranberry juice to get this fucked up. Some people would be worried. I know I've got a lot of shit in my head and soul to deal with, and I'm somehow just not that surprised.

I want to get a tattoo. In a place that will probably hurt like hell. Because I've been through so much pain in my life, it would be good to have some pain that led to something beautiful for once. I am an anguissette, I swear, as much as I'll deny myself the feeling of pleasure.

Who does that hurt, other than me?

What does the world gain, one way or another?

In my fiction, the stuff that I share with one other person and no other, I am the one who sets things right, who accepts the sin and makes the place whole. I try to do this in real life, and there, I think, lies my unhappiness. I will never make everyone OK. I can try, but in 10 years, when my mother's insane and Dad's, well, who knows where he'll be... where will I be in 10 years?

I don't want to know, not know, so I drink and take drugs, and dim my Sight.

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